The Scandal!
by CyberDreamer
Summary: A scandal within the Cybersix series (and partially outside)! This screwball plot could ONLY be a joint effort of Nick and myself, and so it is. For the first part anyway; see if you can guess where he bailed out.


**The Scandal  
  
**

Oh, well... This was originally going to be a Jerry Springer type episode, but Nick (who helped with the first part of it) said it was overdone. So... Here you go! The Secret Cybersix Scandal!  
  
Crowd: DUMBASS! DUMBASS! DUMBASS!  
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen... please welcome the nineteenth wonder of the world... Cyber Ten!  
(_cue musix as Cyber Ten walks in, greets people, then stands in the audience as the music fades away)_  
Cyber Ten: And welcome to the Dumbass show! I'm your host, Cyber Ten. Today we're covering a massive scandal occuring in the Cybersix T.V. Series! We're bringing you, the viewer, the cast of the show to converse about this provocative issue! Let's bring out our first guest, Cybersix. Six, come on out!  
_(Audience claps and whistles as she emerges from backstage and sits down on a stool)_  
Cyber Ten: Six, welcome to the show.  
Cybersix: Great to be here, I suppose.  
Cyber Ten: Tell us what's going on behind the scenes!  
Cybersix: Well, okay... _(deep breath)_ You were with me while I was secretly with Lucas who was secretly with Lori who was cheating on José who was screwing around with Makeup who had been seriously seeing Data 7 who was also with Julian who was secretly with Kelsey who had been with Nick, and Ace had been sleeping with BOTH of them.  
Cyber Ten: _(blush)_  
Crowd: GASP!  
Cyber Ten: Alright, settle down kiddies! We can sort this out! We've brought in an expert to help solve the crime! Mister Yashimoto, will you please come out!  
Yashimoto: _(pokes his head around the corner)_ Oh. Uh... you mean now?  
Cyber Ten: Yes, now's convenient.  
_(Yashimoto saunters out and sits down languidly)_  
Cyber Ten: Welcome to the show, Mister Yashimoto.  
Yashimoto: Um... could I have one of those blurry things over my face? I don't like publicity...  
Cyber Ten: Sure thing! Camera!  
_(Blur covers Yashimoto's face)_  
Cyber Ten:Tell us about the info you've gathered on the scandal.  
Yashimoto: Well, I've figured out that you were with Cybersix while she was secretly with Lucas who was secretly with Lori who was cheating on José who was screwing around with Makeup who had been seriously seeing Data 7 who was also with Julian who was secretly with Kelsey who had been with Nick, and Ace had been sleeping with BOTH of them.  
Cyber Ten: .....Right. Let's bring out our next guest. José Von Reichter!  
José: DON'T ASSOCIATE ME WITH MY PISSASS FATHER!  
Crowd: OOOOOOH.  
Cyber Ten: Ooh, wiseass brat. Take a seat, midget.  
_(José fumes and sits down)_  
Cyber Ten: So, what's yer take on this whole thing? _(standing in the audience, speaking into a microphone)  
_José: Well I'm dumping Lori for sure because you know, she's a stupid street whore...  
Crowd: OOOH!  
Atero Maijin: Amen to that...  
José: But if Makeup will take me back, see, I'll go with her. Come on, wouldn't you prefer this over a panther?  
Cybersix: Ye gods, no. _(stretches boredly)_  
Cyber Ten: Ho, what's this?! Six, have you been sleeping with Data?  
Cybersix: (shifty eyes) No.  
Cyber Ten: Ah-hah! The plot thickens...  
_(A loud doorbell sounds)_  
Crowd: WHOOOOOOA.  
Cyber Ten: Looks like we have another opinion storming in!  
_(door busts open, and in marches Data 7, growling like a maniac)_  
Data 7: You little midget fool, get yer ass here! I'm gonna use you as a scratching post! _(marches torwards José, claws popping out, accompanied with the sound of a knfie beign unsheathed times eight)_ You'regonna eat the dirt!  
José: _(yelps and scrambles around the chair)_  
Data 7: _(pounces on José, and begins to maul him)_  
Cyber Ten: Now THIS is entertainment.  
_(bodyguards rush in and break it up)_  
José: _(spits after Data 7)_  
Data 7: You little shit! _(hawks a massive catloogie on José)_  
José: THAT'S IT, I'M SENDING YOU BACK TO FATHER NEXT CHANCE I GET!  
Crowd: Oooooooh!  
Data 7: Not if I send you first, third class in ninety small boxes!  
Crowd: OOOOH!  
_(bodyguards haul both of them to opposite sides of the stage)_  
Cyber Ten: Ooookay! Let's bring out the next guest! Lucas, come on out!  
_(Lucas shuffles in and sits down next to Cybersix, who edges away)_  
Crowd: Awwwww....  
Cyber Ten: She likes my stuff better than yours, Lucas.  
_(Lucas gapes)_  
Cybersix: I like his brain matter better than yours, too, Lucas.  
Crowd: WHOOOOOA!  
_(Data 7 tosses Lucas some ice for those burns, while Lucas bends over sobbing)_  
Cyber Ten: Get him outta here!  
Lucas: _(jumps up and starts screaming)_  
_(guards begin to haul Lucas offstage)_  
Lucas: GODDAMN WHOREBITCH I'M GONNA KILL YOU WHEN WE GET HOME!  
Cybersix: TOO BAD I'M NOT GOING HOME WITH YOU!  
Crowd: _(snickers)_  
Cyber Ten: Alright, next up is Lori and Makeup.  
_(only Lori comes out)_  
José: Where's Makeup?  
Lori: Out to Coffee with Set.  
Cyber Ten: For god's Sake...  
Crowd: HAHAHAHAHA!  
_(Makeup rushes in)_  
Makeup: WOW! Sorry I'm late, I was at coffee with Set!  
Cyber Ten: For the love of panthers....  
Data 7: Don't even!  
Cybersix: _(snickers)_  
Cyber Ten: _(glares)_  
Cybersix: _(innocent look)_  
_(Makeup takes a seat next to José. Data 7 looks somewhat hurt. Lori scoots her chair CLOSER to the midget)  
_Makeup: Hey, watch it, you little whore.  
Lori: Me? Whore? Why don't YOU watch it, you caffeine-addicted midget lover?! I'll bet you're sleeping with Set, too!  
Crowd:GASP!  
Cyber Ten: Interesting accusations... any truth to it, Makeup?  
Makeup: Not at ALL, Ten. She's making it all up because SHE'S jealous of me and my midget.  
Cybersix: Nuthouse, party of two.  
José: Hey, it's okay, Makeup, I believe you...  
Makeup: Really? You mean you still love me even though I have a panther fetish?  
José: Hey, I'll make you a new one in the lab if it means I can keep you.  
Crowd: Awww....  
Lori: Wait a minute! What about US, José?  
José: Hey baby, you were with LUCAS. Who KNOWS what diseases you've got.  
Cybersix: Wait, that'd give ME a disease!  
Cyber Ten: And me. Oh... shit. Well, uh... Data 7, what's your opinion on the whole thing?  
Data 7: You mean on Makeup? That whore's as good as gone, Ten. Julian's the only one for me now. I made a mistake, I admit that, and now I want to go back to my first true love. But first, I've got some vigilante justice to take care of. I'm ONLY going home after I maul that midget ass! _(lunges at José, clawing madly while the midget's chair falls backwards, and he rolls offcamera into another room. Makeup lunges after him, while Data 7 resumes prowling angrily)  
_Cyber Ten: Good choice. I couldn't have phrased it better myself - although I wouldn't have picked Julian to go home to...  
Cybersix: Come ere, lover.  
Cyber Ten: Save it for after the show.  
_(Cybersix looks extremely miffed)  
_Cyber Ten: Everyone please welcome Julian!  
_(Julian emerges and looks around for a chair. When none makes itself presentable, he shrugs and sits down on Data 7's back)_  
Crowd: _(torn between disgust and wooziness)_  
Cyber Ten: So, Data 7, you're really ready to go home to this vertically challenged, mentally insufficient, and physically incapable little runt of a guy?  
Lori: _(outraged)_ Those are MY insults!  
Cybersix: Oh, shut up.  
Lori: YOU, you little transvestite!  
Cybersix: _(throws her right high heel at Lori, who is knocked offstage, offcamera, and into the arms of Surprised Cameraman #5)_  
Cyber Ten: Ookay.... Data 7?  
Data 7: Yeah I'm ready. If he gives me any trouble, HE knows what's going to happen.  
Julian: _(blush)_ Eheheh...  
_(A loud doorbell sounds)  
_Crowd: WHOOOOOA!  
(_Kelsey sheepishly makes her way in and sits down)_  
Cyber Ten: So, Julian, is there something you'd like to tell Data 7?  
Julian: ...look, Data, it was this one night thing.  
Lori: One night a week!  
Kelsey: Hey, shut up, you horny bisexual slut!  
Crowd: BURN!  
Data 7: _(looking sad) _Julian, is this serious?  
Julian: I'm 11. Is ANYTHING serious?  
Data 7: Okay, good point. But I'm still mauling you when we get home.  
Julian: Goddamn.  
Cyber Ten: Well, let's bring out our next guest, Nick! Now, he's been backstage the whole time, so he has no idea what's going on. (_aside)_ We're going to let Kelsey tell him her secret - but he's got one of his own. (_to the crowd)_ Everyone, please welcome Nick!  
Nick: (_wanders out languidly, waving and hamming it up before sitting down next to Kelsey after giving her a kiss)_  
Crowd: Awwwwww!  
Cyber Ten: Now, Nick, do you have any idea why you're here?  
Nick: No, but I've seen your show, so I'm a little worried.  
Crowd: Ahahahaha...  
Cyber Ten: Well, go ahead, Kelsey.  
Kelsey: Nick, you know I love you with all my heart-  
Cybersix: (_snickers very loudly, then falls backwards off her chair as Julian throws his shoe at her)_  
Nick: ...well, you might not when you hear what I have to say...  
Kelsey: I've been cheating on you with Ace.  
Nick: I've been cheating on you with Ace.  
Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOA!  
_(Kelsey and Nick stare at each other)_  
Cyber Ten: Well, let's bring him out. Everyone please welcome Ace Rayer!  
Ace: (_walks out amid boos and a catcall from Cybersix)_ Uhm... Hi guys...  
Nick: Asshole.  
Kelsey: Manwhore.  
Both: LIAR, LIAR, LIAR!  
Ace: Can't we work this out? I love you! But I love you- I'm so confused!  
Kelsey: (_glances at Nick) _ Was the sex shitty for you too?  
Nick: _(shifty eyed)_ Uhm...  
Ace: _(glares)_ Don't you dare!  
Nick: Yeah, on the whole I felt pretty unfulfilled.  
Cyber Ten: So, what's going to happen here? You're staying together?  
Kelsey: Definitely.  
Nick: Ace just isn't worth it.  
Ace: _(hangs his head, and turns to walk out. Cybersix slaps him on the ass as he goes)_  
Cyber Ten: Six.... stop slapping other guys.  
Cybersix: Sorry. His ass was almost as coptic* as mine.  
Cyber Ten: Audience, anything to say? Yes ma'am.  
Random Woman #1: Right, I just wanted to know if I could have Ace now that they're done with him?  
Cyber Ten: Well...  
_(Ace, desperate for some loving, runs up the stairs and jumps into the woman's lap)  
_Random Man #1: Can I get a lapdance from Cybersix?  
Cyber Ten: No.  
Crowd: WHIPSH!  
Cyber Ten: Right, I think that's enough. My final thought is this: We all need help.  
Crowd: DUMBASS! DUMBASS! DUMBASS!  
  
Voiceover: We now have the updates. Cybersix and Ten sent us a very steamy video that we cannot air on television, but we will say that they are obviously very pleased with their decision to stay together, and are looking forward to many more happy years to come.  
After a brief period of rocky times, Data 7 and Julian are living in luxury. They've bought their own spa and enjoy every minute of it.  
José and Makeup, neither having much class, are both seeing other people and screwing each other every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and alternate Saturdays.  
We are very pleased - sorry, we REGRET to inform you that Lucas has shot himself... Who the hell writes this shit, muttermutter...  
Lori has run off with Surprised Cameraman Number Five, and we have not been able to reach either of them. Our crew is now very shorthanded. (_muffled whispering)_ No, Janice, I'm still on the air. Stay under the desk.  
Ahem. Kelsey and Nick are in the middle of a beautiful relationship, and we have news that Nick proposed, and they are now engaged.   
Ace and the audience member's short relationship didn't work out; apparently Ace cheated again with the woman's husband (named Lysander).  
That's all for now! Tune in tomorrow for our next show: Confessions of a Mystery Solving Nerd! Velma of Scooby Doo tells of all the hazing incidents - and yes, folks, the dog WAS involved. Till next time...  
Crowd: DUMBASS! DUMBASS! DUMBASS!


End file.
